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  • Alexis Sands

Are Modern Dating Dilemmas the Same With or Without BPD? (Part I)

Recently, I’ve explored 5 popular online dating sites/apps and I’m wondering if having BPD makes even finding someone to date more difficult? Or is the world of online dating filled with angst & frustration for most post-college single adults today?


Minus the indecent proposals and the usual perverts that pop up on any sites, the core problems I perceive seem to be the same- regardless of the platform. Though, Bumble has been the best for me so far -(and no they’re not paying me)!


I could write PAGES about the surprisingly far too common types I’ve encountered, but I’ll just highlight a few in this post.


Mr. No-Conversational-Skills: Several guys (early-on in messaging) have repeatedly given one-word answers-after they’vemaintained a causal dialogue. They’ll start with a couple of complete sentences or questions, but quickly revert to Yep or Cool. But some have the audacity to become angry after I stop communicating with their monosyllabic grunts!


Mr. Lead-(or quick)-with-an-Insult: This type, too, often becomes infuriated when I don’t respond. One guy opened with, Your smile looks forced, want to talk about it? Another told me, You’re not very good at this, are you? (My tragic flaw was not messaging back for a few hours after one simple exchange). Or my personal favorite, I don’t really go for blondes, they’re too shallow- or too…something other random stereotype. I get everyone has their personal preferences, but I’m like, You saw my hair color and you messaged me why??!!


Mr. Cheapskate-Right-Out-the-Gate: I believe in equality and respect everyone’s individual preferences in how they define gender roles or the qualities they look for in a partner.


But I clearly state in my profile(s) I prefer a version of modern chivalry-opens doors but open-minded- and I like a few old-fashioned values (in terms of how a guy treats his date). I take issue with guys wanting to Netflix & chill on the first few dates- not to mention the host of safety issues this brings up!

One guy actually suggested going Dutch. I told him I heard Amsterdam’s beautiful this time of year, but it was too soon to travel internationally together. And last but not least, there are the gems who deliver epic soliloquies-some (thankfully) in their bios- on how so many women are just Golddiggers, how flowers are a ‘waste of money,’ and how he’s not paying for everything.


Mr. I’m-giving-a-job-interview-or-processing-a-loan-application: I give this type the award for Most Annoying because they waste my time by sounding sincere & interesting- in the beginning. But then they soon suck any bit of fun or romance out of getting to know someone new.

One seriously asked me about strengths/weakness at work and longevity of employment. How fascinating!

Another wanted to know if I had good credit because he couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who even ranked 'fair'. I wanted to say, No, Mr. Transunion, I don’t. But don’t worry it has nothing to do with my honesty or intelligence level. It’s due to a combination of bad relationships and reckless spending sprees b/c of my personality disorder. But we haven’t even met in person, so discussing Equifax scores is totally irrelevant -& weird-at this point in the game. (But I unmatched this guy, in attempts to stay positive and control my anger)!

*One guy did state in his profile he wanted a partner with good credit. I wonder how many right swipes he's received?


I think most of the issues with the contemporary dating culture don’t stem from having borderline personality disorder. Or maybe most people don’t run into the issues I do. I’m not sure if my judgement is clouded, as I realize can overreact, at times.


Please comment below, if you agree or disagree. I’d love to hear from other singles & their experiences with online dating!


XOXO,


Alexis

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